Fresh Thoughts on Not-So-Fresh Coffee
Is it really "good until the last drop"...or not?
Thank you very much (holds up trophy)! I am so honored tonight to accept this Champion Coffee Conservation award for (almost) never wasting a single drop of coffee that passes through my family’s coffee maker. As you can imagine, it doesn’t always taste good. No, not by any stretch of the imagination. When my husband first grinds the beans and brews the coffee, you better believe it’s delicious. Notes of pecan pie perhaps, or chocolate, or simply a really good plain old breakfast blend, delight our palates. I happily drink two or three slow, hot sips, then leave that trusty turquoise ceramic mug on the kitchen counter, or on my nightstand, while I get dressed and ready for the day, pack the lunches, gather the hats and mittens, and complete one hundred other tiny tasks required to leave the house. While I’m reminding my children, “do your lists!” and asking follow-up questions (“Did you take your vitamins? Brush your teeth?”), I take a couple more lukewarm sips. Then, one more sip while I testily announce to my son, “It is the last minute!!! You need to use the potty!” Next, I carry the mug by its handle out to the car, where I fit it into a cupholder in the center console. Its contents are now officially cold.
Now, I know that other “normal” people would count this coffee as liquid trash. They would think of this drink in the past tense. Their first stop would be the local Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through, to order a fresh cup of bold brew, or whatever they call it these days—I wouldn’t know (audience chuckles.) No Dunkin’ Donuts for me. I’m just getting started with that cup of coffee in my Le Creuset mug. I will continue to drink it in small sips, or if I’m desperate, like gulps of water, throughout the day. It will be faithful to keep me alert through ten thousand requests from the backseat (most of them involving the urgency of me switching lanes on the highway in order to pass various semi-trucks). This coffee will act like medicine, keeping headaches at bay. Coffee doesn’t have to be hot or even warm, let alone taste good, to offer its greatest benefits. (Cheers and applause from audience members.)
Why am I so adamant about conserving the coffee? Well, my acts of coffee conservation reduce that constant low-level anxiety I have that I will wake up one morning and discover that WE HAVE RUN OUT OF COFFEE BEANS AND GROUND COFFEE. (A few audience members gasp; others sadly shake their heads.) Tonight I feel so honored and pleased that all of my conservation efforts are being awarded!
When my children and I return home from whatever the day’s excursion might be, I will no doubt pause for a moment to gaze at that cold mug of coffee in the car cupholder. As I go through the routine of unpacking the car, I will debate for a moment: Should I leave the half-full mug here? It would save me one last trip from house to driveway tomorrow, since I wouldn’t have to shuttle a fresh cup of joe out here. Or, should I take the mug inside with me so I can have another sip or two while I cook dinner? More than likely, I will take a last swig while standing in the driveway and leave the coffee in the car cupholder for tomorrow, feeling proud of myself as I shut the driver’s side door.
Not a drop wasted. No, not even when I get out to the car the next morning and yesterday’s coffee is frozen solid. It will defrost! Blast the heat and watch it become useful again.
So, as you see, the coffee’s taste is only a secondary consideration for me. Thus I am honored to accept this Champion Coffee Conservation award. Oh, and as a side note—so help my husband (who prioritizes the taste of his coffee more than I) if he happens to clean out the car and discards that coffee I WAS GOING TO DRINK. But that’s a story for another time.
Thank you to the board of the Conscientious Coffee Drinkers Association. Thank you to my husband for brewing our coffee. Thank you to all of you in the audience for coming out tonight and for your support. And, if there’s any coffee left out there in the lobby, you know I’ll take it home with me and make it last as long as possible (holds up Contigo commuter mug in right hand and trophy in left). Thank you and goodnight!
This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Acceptance Speech.”